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Fifty Shades of Crap

Posted by Cheryl on May 1, 2012 in Books

So, hey! I’m still here, all three of you who visit my blog. Having just survived Tax Season 2012 I suddenly have much more time on my hands…so here I am.

Besides working a lot there hasn’t been much going on with me really. Except, oh my God, Vampire Diaires. I can’t believe how much I love that show. And I cannot believe that they’re killing off my second favorite character, Alaric. Although I guess it’s all good because the actor is getting the lead in a new show, but how that benefits ME…I have yet to see. This better be a good show, buddy.

Anyway with only two shows left this season I am once again just blown away by the writers who put the Vampire Diaries together every week. These people never fail to deliver a show that’s scary and funny and yes, even touching and OH MY GOD you just never know what the fuck is going to happen next! Seriously, every week my friend Darline and I text eachother during the show. Here is how every session goes, every week…

Oh shit!
Did NOT see that coming.

Every. Week.

So yeah, I love that show.

And I have managed to go through quite a few books in the last few months, but I want to talk about the one that everyone is talking about.

My Mom is in her 70′s but you totally wouldn’t know it by looking at or talking to her. Most of the time. Unless she’s on one of her “I’m so old” kicks and we’re all shut up, woman. Look at Betty White. So that Mom called me a few weeks ago and asked me to order Fifty Shades of Grey for her from Amazon and I’m all Um, that’s porn. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against porn and I’m really just about the farthest thing from a prude that you can find. So I felt the need to clarify to my Mom that it’s badly written porn. And THAT is just inexcusable.

If you’ve managed to miss this book so far, good job! I can catch you up – Stupid, virginal and klutzy college student, Bella Anastasia meets hot, dangerous, rich, hot and sexy Edward Christian. Did I mention that we was HOT? Yeah, well get used to that word because this author lets you know that he’s hot about fifty bazillion times in this book. We get it. Hot.

I had read about twenty pages and right away noticed the similarities between the main characters here and those in Twilight. I first thought it was just a blatant Twilight knockoff but it’s even worse than that – It was written as Twilight fan fiction. And is like number one on the Bestseller list. So think Twilight without the sparkly vampires and then imagine Edward is into bondage and spanking. And that Edward is kind of an abusive asshole with all sorts of emotional issues. And then Bella and Edward have a lot of sex. Now you know exactly what this book is about. Really, that’s the plot. Oh and the best part? It’s really, really poorly written.

I’ve said before that I’m a fan of anything that gets people reading but even I can’t get behind this awful book. And I’m so in the minority here it is laughable. I was looking on Amazon and you wouldn’t believe the number of people that used some form of “The Best Book That I’ve Ever Read” in their review. Scary stuff.

Soooooo imagine my horror when I saw who is supposedly being considered for the role of Edward Christian for the movie. Ready for this?

Damon

Dude, you are killing me.

Because now I’m going to HAVE to see it.

Thanks a lot, Ian. Thanks a lot.

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A Way Happier Place

Posted by Cheryl on Nov 23, 2011 in Ramblings

Moving into the early 70′s (after a nice, long shower in the fetal position) you can see that these dolls were much less creepy.

Athough…

Special Things

Maybe this page isn’t the best example. Is it just me or does Baby Dancerina look, um, not right? And now that I’m looking at her, Baby Walks looks a little dead in the eyes, doesn’t she?

Down on the bottom though? Now that was a toy. Shoppin’ Sheryl (did no one use the letter g back then?) went to her own supermarket to fill up her small cart with tiny groceries! And then? She took them to the checkout where the register made actual beeping noises! I know, right? I absolutely loved that toy.

Sheryl was quite the groovy dresser as well. As you can see below she is clearly the best-dressed girl in the picture.

My sister and me...early 70's.

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1966, You’re Starting To Make Me Uncomfortable

Posted by Cheryl on Nov 19, 2011 in Ramblings

Well at first glance this page seemed harmless enough. 1966 baby dolls. While I don’t remember having any of these (or seeing any pictures of myself with the dolls here) they seem like pretty standard fare. Baby Lu looks adorable in her widdle shoofly rocker, doesn’t she?

And then, on the right.

1966 Baby Dolls

What. The. Fuck.

Are you freaking kidding me?

Whoa, dude.

Try to imagine that toy being released today.

And hey, if anyone had this doll or sees it on Ebay please let me know. I tried to research it and…well you Google Baby Spank Me and see how much porn you get. Hint – It’s a whole bunch.

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How Do You Get Him To Stop Shufflin’?

Posted by Cheryl on Nov 18, 2011 in Ramblings

So I’m already in the Christmas spirit (note banner at top of page) – It actually started on November 1st…what a great night. Starbucks was nice enough to send an email letting me know that the holiday beverages were back. The eggnog latte has returned. And like any good addict (seriously, I would mainline this shit if I could) I’ve been stopping there every day.

But anyway, all this eggnog drinking and of course the required listening to Christmas music in my office gets me thinking about past Christmases. I think the reason that I love the holidays so much is because my parents made sure that we had wonderful Christmases growing up. I’m not talking about the gifts that we received, although Santa was always very generous to us. I’ll share some of those stories later on but today I’m still focused on/obsessing over Crazy Sixties Toys!

I started looking through old Sears Wishbooks from the early 70′s at the toys that I had, and then went back a little further to see if I could remember older dolls and such. And, you guys, 1966 is cracking me up!

Take this page for example. It looks innocent enough. The seal and the puppy are pretty cute. Sniffy The Dog, who I’m assuming later became Digger The Dog (waaaay better name than Sniffy) seems fun. Wacky Dog not only looks rabid but also like you could do some serious damage if you accidentally (ahem) cracked one of your friends over the head with it.

And then, there he is. Down in the corner.

Sears 1966 Christmas Wishbook

Let’s take a closer look, shall we?

He just keeps shufflin" along...

He just keeps shufflin’ along. Am I the only one who finds that WRONG? Just that word shufflin’ (and not shuffLING…shufflin’). My question is, why is he shufflin’? Why can’t he just walk? Is he injured? What friggin kid would want to play with an injured hobo? Or maybe he’s drunk? Sure the toys of 1966 were pretty jacked up by today’s standards, but I don’t think so. Here’s what I think…

He’s dead.

Probably stabbed over his last cigarette butt, his body left in a sad, little hobo pile by the train tracks.

And then he got up.

And started shufflin’.

He just keeps shufflin’.

Along.

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When You’re Done With The Vacuuming, Get Going On That Laundry

Posted by Cheryl on Nov 13, 2011 in Cool Stuff

Also from the 1966 Sears Christmas Wishbook…a cabinet full of wash day fun. You got that?

Laundry

I guess this cracks me up because little vacuum cleaners and washin’ and ironin’ sets aren’t as popular in 2011. You know what, though? I don’t have kids, so I don’t know that for sure. I’m guessing that little girls, or at least their parents, choose different toys for tiny females these days.

Kitchen sets are still around though, because cooking is cool. You don’t see any laundry or vacuuming channels, do you?

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Look How Much Fun It Was To Be A Little Girl In The 60′s!

Posted by Cheryl on Nov 10, 2011 in Cool Stuff

1966 Sears Christmas Wishbook - I Wish I Could Vacuum!

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Best Engagement Picture EVER

Posted by Cheryl on Aug 31, 2011 in Bizarre

Zombie

You see it, right? In the background? Freakin’ brilliant.

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Things I’d Like To See In Vampire Land This Year

Posted by Cheryl on Aug 30, 2011 in TV

With the season premiere of The Vampire Diaries a little over two weeks away (be still my pre-teen heart!) I have a few thoughts for what is in store/what I’d like to see for Season 3.

Elijah come back. I’m guessing that with his whole family stored away in the warehouse (with daggers dipped in white oak ash making them stay put) eventually Stefan will lead someone back there and set them free?

Damon and Elena. Yeah, I’m going there. It’s no shock that they’re rumored to be a couple off-screen. They have fantastic chemistry and make such a good-looking pair.

The Dead Girlfriends Club. What is going to happen? Is Jeremy just seeing dead people or are Vicki and Anna (one of the best characters they’ve had) back for real? And how will Bonnie react if they are back?

Who will be the guardian for Elena and Jeremy now that Aunt Jenna’s dead? I think that Alaric would fill that role very nicely, since he won’t really have much to do with Jenna gone…and the kids don’t really seem to, you know, go to school. I really hope that he sticks around because his scenes with Damon are some of my favorites.

Will Sheriff Forbes keep her word to not stake her vampire daughter? Are Matt and Caroline through? How about Caroline and Tyler? How does a relationship between a vampire and a werewolf work anyway? And how will Evil Stefan play out? I would like to see Paul Wesley play Stefan like David Boreanaz played Evil Angel – If you watched Buffy back in the day, remember how much fun Evil Angel was to watch?

And, of course, whatever they have in store for Damon…I’m fine with it.

Can’t wait!

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Permit Me My Self-Indulgence Today, Huh?

Posted by Cheryl on Aug 2, 2011 in Ramblings

This song. Sure, it’s old and one could definitley argue cheesy, and I love it. It’s forever attached to a really good memory, and there is NO WAY IN HELL I can talk about that here, but hearing this song never fails to make me smile. Never.

Happy August!


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My Off-Season Vampire Show

Posted by Cheryl on Jul 27, 2011 in TV

Thank God for summer shows like True Blood, huh? I’ve watched it since the beginning, and while my feelings for HBO’s series based on the books by Charlaine Harris don’t compare to my Vampire Diaires obsession, it’s still a good show. I especially appreicate that their season runs during the summer while my vampires are on hiatus. (You like that? My vampires? ) Anyway…

I’m already liking this season of True Blood much more than last year’s. Let me back up – In the books (which are getting GREAT, by the way) Sookie Stackhouse is very enjoyable…cute, funny and perky as a little bunny rabbit. But on the TV series, especially last season, Sookie just wasn’t, well…likeable. This year we are already getting back to (after her little ten minute/year-long trip to Fairyland) the softer side of Sookie.

And speaking of the softer side…Holy God, nice Eric Northman is almost more than I can stand. In a good way. I love Eric Northman, Badass Viking Vampire but this adorable puppy-like creature that he’s been turned into (a witch has erased his memory if you haven’t a clue what I’m talking about) is…Oh my God you just want to pick him up and squeeze his little Eric face. And then have all sorts of sex with him. It’s so awesome to see Alexander Skarsgard playing Eric so differently this year, and doing it soooo well.

Eric

Dead To The World, the book which this season is based has been my favorite so far. This season is also shaping up to be just as great.

Oh, not that I’m obsessed or anything but the season premiere of The Vampire Diaries is only six short weeks away!

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